...lovettejam...

...ought to be somewhere else..

2009-02-03T02:26:00.000-08:00

Only there's an arrangement to pretend that you ought to be somewhere else, so the place where you are is the place where you are always pretending you ought to be somewhere else.

random

2009-02-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

A few days after my ultimate comeback, would you believe I still hadn't unpacked some of my stuffs? Bags, shoes and books are still in the box downstairs. I don't know where to put them. Boohoo. I'm still looking for that big big organizer or rack or cabinet or whatever that would fit in my room.

i'm hungry. no, i'm not. i'm just craving. chocolate pudding. yumyum! now that reminds me to buy eggs for the pudding i was supposed to bake a few days back.

whatever! i'm checking my email.

gotta run!

when insecurity strikes

2009-02-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

i'm not perfect, not even close to being one. i have more flaws than assets, more defects than abilities, more weaknesses than strengths. i can give you more reasons to hate me, despise me and dislike me than i can enumerate reasons for you to feel otherwise. i couldn't give you a single reason to throw even the tiniest bit of love my way. i couldn't. i wouldn't.

cruel? masochist perhaps? indeed, i am. i can do this to myself. do you not fear what lies for you from me? i cannot love myself wholly. what makes you think i am capable of giving back to society, or to you in the very least? how can i love anybody else when nobody even dares to care?

well you said you do. you said you know how stupid, careless and weak i could get. you said you understand what i am going through. you said i never cease to amaze you, despite the negative energy that envelops me, that is. you said you love me.

as much as i don't want to, i believe you. i just hope i'm right to do so.

thank you.

disclaimer: written under the circumstances of boredom inspired by a text message. not my story. really.

would you?

2009-02-01T05:21:00.000-08:00

when your heart battles with your mind...

when what you see opposes your principles...

when what you ought to do is something you really shouldn't...

when you want freedom but dreads responsibility...

when you yearn to explode but guilt is hovering...

when what you know is killing you...

would you dare question fate, destiny or God himself?

would you still want to know why?

or would you rather keep your silence?

when i'm on the verge of bursting...

would you stay a while and listen?

for real??

2009-01-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

is this for real?

maybe yes. maybe no.

let's just give it a try. it may be worth it after all. ;)

cheers!

keep my head together

2009-01-24T18:26:00.000-08:00

i would super love that.

here's the plan:
make a seriously functional to-do list on a daily or weekly basis.
make a priority list.
make all kinds of lists (to do, to accomplish, completed tasks, in progress, to be continued, rejected, whatever!).
prioritize the lists.
throw unnecessary lists.

now i am getting confused. again.

whew!

100% piscean.

2009-01-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

As the twelfth and final sign of the occidental zodiac, Pisceans make comfortable followers. Pisces people don't find their direction easily. They are not self-propelled and they feel a certain distance from the rest of the human race. When things don't go their way, Pisceans may surrender to self-pity.

Pisces is the soul of sensitivity. Nothing escapes his notice. The faint rustle of a falling leaf that kisses the earth sounds, to a Pisces, like a huge truck smashing into a brick wall. Baby's whimpering in his crib is, to a hyper-susceptible Pisces, the wail of a thousand hungry infants. Pisces is born this way. Overly, tenderly, pricklingly, unrestrainedly sensitive. Pisceans tend toward all that is beautiful, gravitate to loveliness and crave the artistic. Pisceans are the sleepy, languorous, irresistible creators of whom we frequently don't hear a syllable. Not power-hungry, Pisceans are mostly humble and modest about achievements. They are not interested in fame. If fortune comes their way, they'll accept it. But Pisceans usually don't go after glory.

Pisceans are very proud people. They are not cocky, nor do they go around boasting of their conquests and masterpieces. Pisceans are easygoing and seem to be made of butter. Ask them to move an inch left because they're blocking your view. Without a word, Pisces shifts to the left. Suggest a new way of eating snails with a shovel. Pisces is right up there in the front of the queue, raring to please and adjust to whatever is required. But dare to challenge Pisces's deepest beliefs, disagree with his sense of taste or the spiritual tenet by which he lives, and the fish may well turn into a shark before your rapidly blinking peepers. Pisceans have profound personal integrity.

It's not uncommon for Pisceans to suffer. First, they are easily hurt. Secondly, they are afflicted with overwhelming self-doubt. Worldly accomplishment is beyond Pisces because it requires a firm connection to hard reality, which Pisces would rather avoid. Tough and ruthless competitors disguised as friendly warmhearted colleagues or companions may hoodwink the earnest Piscean and leave him beside himself in a heap of disappointment and bafflement He doesn't handle tactics or strategics well. He wants to remain aloof so he can dream and imagine and let his mind wander.

You can be sure to find Pisceans wherever the water is. Pisceans love the soothing silence of water and will go to great lengths to plunge themselves into anything from a stream to an ocean, a bathtub or a Jacuzzi.

Pisceans take all emotional involvement seriously. Whether it's a love affair or a friendship, a child-parent relationship or some other family tie, you can be sure Pisces will nurture the link. The Pisces person loves unconditionally will alter viewpoints or swim willingly in the opposite direction just to please a loved one. If you are enamored of a Pisces, grab your snorkel and flippers and paddle after your fish to the ends of the sea.

i am copy/pasting it here just because.

just because.

2009-01-20T00:49:00.000-08:00

i do this when i'm bored. or confused. or a combination of both. :p

You are 100% Pisces

You are 100% Pisces

How Pisces Are You?

ha!

genuinely happy

2009-01-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

today, i am genuinely happy.

the past few days, few weeks and dare i even say, past few months, had been a blur. had lotsa lotsa stuffs happening all at once. the recent past had been nothing less than overwhelming. drastic changes from all directions, even relationships seemed to crumble right before my very eyes.

anyways, today, one was just lifted from my shoulders.

i do understand that not everything will be solved all at once.

but i'm taking one step at a time...

and i am genuinely happy... for now. :)

...hush...

2009-01-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

when someone opts to keep something to himself/herself,
can it be respected?

when someone chooses to be silent,
can't you just let him/her be?

when someone would rather be alone even for a while,
won't you just let him/her?

everyone is entitled to a lifetime secret, right? i hope i am too.

yes, i am saying no

2009-01-05T05:48:00.000-08:00

inasmuch as i would like to express my thoughts,
i am saying NO to spare somebody's feelings.

inasmuch as i desire to break my silence,
i am saying NO to avoid hurting anyone.

inasmuch as i yearn to give a piece of my mind,
i am saying NO to steer clear of inflicting more pain.

inasmuch as i ache to express my repugnance,
i am saying NO in the hopes that realization will come in its own time.

because i love her so and because i care so much,
i am still saying NO.

for now.

...last day...

2008-12-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

today is the last day of 2008.

and today is the last day of my employment.

haha.

tomorrow i will be officially jobless.

but tomorrow offers a new day. a new year. a new beginning. a brand new promise. a springing hope. :)

tomorrow will be the beginning of a better year, a better me, better everything. *hopefully* :)

let's keep our fingers and toes for better 2009 ahead.

God speed!

...retreat and reflect...

2008-12-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

as the new year approaches, we would want to welcome it with a bang. what better way to do that than enjoy lotsa lotsa self-time and rest, relax, retreat and reflect.

think about what had happened in 2008 and what you would want to happen in 2009. it's high time to build new dreams, revive the trust, relive the friendship and look forward to a new better year.

all the pains and hurts should have taught us valuable lessons in our dear lives. all the happiness and laughter should have inspired us to do better in the year to come.

above all, before the year ends, one thing should never be forgotten - gratitude. thank your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, classmates, and above all, God for a worthwhile 2009.

Cheers!

...too happy...

2008-12-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

i am not blogging as much as i intended to.

maybe i am just tooooo happy to blog. :)

happy holidays

2008-12-24T20:34:00.000-08:00

happy christmas everyone!

'tis indeed the season to be merry...

be happy alwayz!

muAh!! :)

...mean me...

2008-12-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

yep! i was mean.

oh wait! "mean" is an understatement.

"dili man tika love. ug ikaw lang jud specifically akong dli love. alam mo 'yan." translation: i don't love you. (i don't even like you.) and it's only you specifically that i don't love. you know that.

to have said that to someone's face straight without even blinking is not just simple "mean."

it's more than mean. much more than mean.

worse part was: i meant it. i really did.

...mistakes...

2008-11-03T14:45:00.001-08:00

i am young

and the only thing i can afford is mistake.

i shall take my sweet time

to learn, to live, to love.

for in every wrong turn, i will know where i should be heading.

for in every wrong decision, i will figure out what i deserve.

for in every tear, i will realize my own worth and potential.

i am young

and i shall take my sweet time.

wandering. wondering.

2008-09-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

i found this lady alone in a coffee shop – sipping her
coffee, enjoying its aroma, basking in its essence. She was leafing through the pages of a fashion magazine – a little more absentmindedly than usual.
I wonder where her musings took her. She seemed to zone out of the world and was quite too busy in the world she has mindlessly created.

She is probably missing her family. Maybe, she is thinking of going home, of coming back to her safe haven where everything is perfect or at least comfortable. Maybe she wants to feel the comfort of her own bedroom and the warmth of her home.

I may know how she feels – that exact feeling when you run home with a wounded knee after playing really hard. I guess she must have played too much and wounded her knees. or maybe she feels as if she went too far and got lost and she badly needed to find her way back. or believed too much and broke her heart. or fought too much and broke her soul. or maybe not.

Perhaps, she is ruminating on a lost love – what went wrong
and all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ve that go along with it. Or maybe not.

She could be thinking about an about-to-be-born love. Or the love she has always prayed for but never became hers and never will be. Could
that tear pooling in her eye be for a guy? I sure do hope not.

What could be boggling her? A sick pet perhaps? A lost pen? An undue demise?

With a big sigh, she sipped the last of her coffee. she closed the magazine she was reading, stood up and walked out of the coffee shop.

and i too, looking at her, started to walk home. wandering. wondering.

for i too still don’t know what i’m looking for. i just know that it is not in here (anymore).

bang!

...

2008-07-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

ang taong magawi sa ligaya't aliw,
mahina ang puso't lubhang maramdamin.
inakala pa lamang ang hilahil na daratna'y
di na matutuhang bathin.

...last song syndrome...

2008-07-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

Rivermaya - Sleep

Tonight's the first night
You're no longer in my arms
A little colder
Nothing but the darkness and the stars

My hand wanders through
The space where you used to be
I really wish that you'd
Still come home to me

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

Remember yesterday
When your smile filled every room
Imagined forever with you
Now you're gone too soon

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

...phrases...

2008-07-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

i am missing you.
i am missing you so badly.

i miss the way we used to talk.
i miss the way you make me smile.
i miss the way we used to be.

maybe because i think i love you still.
maybe because i can never get over you.
maybe because i finally realized that i can never have you.
or maybe because now i know that somebody else has you.
or maybe not.

i am so afraid.
because i don't wanna be left shattered.
i want you, but i can't have you.
because having you and loving you would mean losing myself.
i love you, but you love somebody else.

oh, i don't know.
and what i do not know kills me.

ahhh questions. so many questions.

i can never have you, can i?
u never did love me, did you?
i destroyed everything, didn't i?

i am lost. please find me.

...vague...

2008-07-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

vague.
everything is vague.
has been.
is still.
perhaps forever will be.

i love him. i love him not.
i loved him. i loved him never.

he loves me. he loves me not.
he loved me. he loved me never.

tears.
to whom are these tears for?
for him because i loved him so?
or for me because he never did.

smiles.
what are these smiles for?
are these still a reflection of me?
or are these masks i was so used of wearing?

vague.
everything is vague.
has been.
is still.
perhaps forever will be.

i don't know what i'm looking for. i just know that it's not in here.

2008-07-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

I found this lady alone in a coffee shop – sipping her coffee, enjoying its aroma, basking in its essence. She was leafing through the pages of a fashion magazine – a little absentmindedly.

I wonder where her musings took her. She seemed to zone out of the world and was busy in the world she created. She is probably missing her family. Maybe, she is thinking of going home, of coming back to her safe haven where everything is close to perfect. Maybe she wants to feel the comfort of her bedroom and the warmth of her home. I may know how she feels – that exact feeling when you run home with a wounded knee after playing really hard. She must have played too much and wounded her knees.

Perhaps, she is ruminating on a lost love – what went wrong and all the “should’ve, would’ve and could’ve” that go along with it. Or maybe not. She could be thinking about an about-to-be-born love. Or the love she has always prayed for but never became hers and never will be. Could that tear pooling in her eye be for a guy? I sure do hope not.

With a big sigh, she sipped the last of her coffee. She stood up and walked out of the coffee shop.

lunatic mode

2008-05-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

matter. noun: that which has mass and occupies space.

EMOTIONS. can they be weighed? do they occupy space? DO THEY MATTER?

from a scientific standpoint, emotions per se are immeasurable; and they most certainly can't be seen, heard, smelled, touched or tasted and so do not occupy space.

however, from a lunatic's perspective, emotions can either LIGHTen your mood or give you a HEAVY heart; and they sure do occupy a SPACE in your heart and mind. hence, I therefore conclude that EMOTIONS indeed MATTER.

blah!

mommy's day ;o)

2008-05-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I read this somewhere a few years back:

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working
overtime.
An angel appeared and said,"Why are you spending so much time
on this
one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on
her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200
movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and
leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss
that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart
-and she
will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at
the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the
standard model?
That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to
finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested."
"I am so close to
finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart.
She already
heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour
days."

The
angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft,
Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed,"
but I have also made her
tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or
accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the
angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she
will be able to
reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed
something,and reaching out, touched the woman's
cheek.
"Oops, it looks
like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you
were trying to put
too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord
corrected,"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel
asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressingher joy,her
sorrow, her
pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief
and her
pride."

The angel was impressed."You are a genius,
Lord. You thought of
everything!
Woman is truly
amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They
bear hardships and
they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and
joy. They smile when
they want to scream. They sing when they
want to cry. They cry when
they are happy and laugh when they are
nervous.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is
a better
solution. They go without so their family can have. They go
to the doctor
with a frightened friend. They love
unconditionally. They cry when
their children excel and cheer when
their friends get awards. They are happy
when they hear about a birth or a
wedding. Their hearts break when a friend
dies. They grieve at the loss of a
family member, yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength
left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a
broken heart. Women come in
all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive,
fly, walk, run or e-mail
you to show how much they care about you. The
heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning. They bring joy,
hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals. They give moral
support to their
family and friends. Women have vital things to say and
everything to
give.

However, if there's one flaw in women, it is that they forget their
worth...

Today, as we celebrate our mothers, I would like to take the opportunity to remind my dear mother of her worth, to show how grateful I am of her presence in our family's lives, how much we appreciate her efforts to rear all three of us, and how much we see the love in her eyes every single time she looks at us.

To my mama, I want you to know that I am more than grateful and honored to be reared by you and papa. This much I can promise you: We, your three precious jewels, will do our very best every single day to make you as proud of us as we are of you. Wabchumuchmuch!! :)

'Pi mama's day... ;o)

yes, i do wish at 11:11

2008-05-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

1. If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
i won't even if i can... :D

2. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
u wouldn't want to know what i'm wearing right now. haha.

3. Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex?
hmmmm.. a shirt...

4. Do you get attached to people easily?
not really...

5. Have you ever been to USA?
nope.. no plans at all.. not in the near future at least...

6. Do you go to church?
i try to every sunday.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
yah...

8. Ever cut class?
once in college... to have my hair cut. hehehe..

9. What's your favorite TV show?
does watching lobo, hana kimi and avatar through internet count?

10. Have you ever seen the GOONIES?
i have absolutely no idea what that is.

11. How many times have you been in love?
no comment na lang po...

12. Do you have any pets?
dogs... (they are all in iligan) =(

13. Do you Smoke?
nope... even if i have to smoke to save my life, i won't.. hehe..

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
check my cellphone

15. What's your favorite season?
summer

16. Have you been on a date in the last 2 weeks?
nope

17. Are Chuck Norris jokes funny?
not a fan.

18. What's your favorite food?
akong appetite pangkarpentero... wala'y pili as long as edible ang food... pro if i should choose, i guess it would be chocolates.. yum yum!!;)

19. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
hmmm.. horton hears a who

20. Can you live without the computer?
nope.

21. Do you hide?
please be more specific with the question.. ;)

22. What is your favorite movie?
can't think of any right now

24. When was the last time you got flowers?
ahhhhh.... 4th year high school (???)

25. Who was the last person you were in a moving vehicle with?
random strangers sa jeepney.. ;)

26. Best kind of pizza?
have always been a fan of pizza... basta cguro cheesy, i like... ;)

27. Would you take care of your friends while they're sick?
i might...

28. What was the last CD you purchased?
wala...

29. When was the last time you dyed your hair?
never did

30. Do you want to be/or stay in a relationship?
not as of the moment...

31. What is a band/singer you will always love?
creed, nickleback and the likes... ;)

32. Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
no... i don't drink... :D

33. Do you wish at 11:11?
oh yes... i do.. :)

34. Do you have any piercings?
both ears

35. Last person you hugged?
c mamaria

36. What are you doing today?
should be getting ready for work...

37. What are you wearing on your feet?
flip-flops

38. Who was the last person you slept in the same bed with?
ako roomies... c sittie hadjirah... ;)

39. What is your natural hair color?
black

40. How many people have you texted today?
ahhhh.. unlitext mode ko kron.. ;)

41. Who was your last comment from?
a blog hopper... hehehe

42. What is your current conversation about?
no conversation as of the very moment

43. Do you have a crush on someone?
nope...

44. Where were you two days ago at this time?
at work...

typing test...

2008-05-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

well... i got a little more bored than usual... what can i do? ;p

i visited my very own profile in friendster (can be accessed here) and used my App... i tried speed typing challenge.. haha..

and the score was...

fyi, the high scores are in the 700s... gosh! how do they do that? hmmmm....

and so i tried the typing test available at http://www.typingtest.com/.

i completed the 2-minute test and the results are...

*deng dedeng... drum roll please...*

hmmmm... i guess i should start learning touch typing...

*yah.. i don't touch type.. so sue me!* ;p

tamorukuchichiku zukarin

2008-05-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

Got tagged by grace..

For the instructions, add your name on the list and simply spell out your name using the given Japanese letter- translations below. Tag your friends and inform them of the tag. Have fun.

TRANSLATION:

A - ka G - ji M - rin S - ari Y - fu
B - tu H - ri N - to T - chi Z - zi
C - mi I - ki O - mo U - do
D - te J - zu P - no V - ru
E -ku K - me Q - ke W - mei
F - lu L - ta R - shi X - na

1. OSWALD - moarimeikatate (sounds like american and states har....har...har...)

2. JUNELLE - zudotokutataku (Thank God I’m a Filipino! sounds like sadako. nyay! hehehe)

3. JACQUELINE - zukamikedokutakitoku (Ayay!! Unsaman ni perti mang taasa..wa ko kasabot nyahahaha)

4. LERMA - takushirinka ( I’ll use this name if I’m in Japan!)

5. BREGIE -tushikujikiku ( Wah....ang sagwa hehehehe)

6. GRACE -jishikamiku (hahahaha, parang tounge twister... minikaniko ni miniko. LOL!)

7. LOVETTE JAM - tamorukuchichiku zukarin (is this even a name?!) haha

*for those who want to take this tag... feel free.. :)

let's just leave this untitled.

2008-05-02T07:59:00.001-07:00

prologue: this is a sad post. i am unsure if hormonal imbalance is a contributing factor or the increasing stress of the past few weeks is taking its toll on me, but i sure do hope that this feeling will be over as soon as i give my body the much-needed rest it badly needs. :)

here goes nothing:

i am just plain tired. what i want (or should i say NEED) right now is self-time. yes, i just had my recent trip back home. it should have given me the relaxation and "time away from it all" i have so wanted. but then again, i had realized that the happiness it offered was so temporary. it ended when i was least ready. i would have loved to stay much longer. i would have wanted to spend more time with the people i love. i would have caught up with the stuffs that kept them busy, made them smile, made them cry, made them think, made them utterly happy. i would have known more about their lives... and they could have known more about mine...

yes, cebu is wonderful. it has so much to offer. it had taught me lots of stuffs that i would dare say "made me a better person." i love the place. i enjoy the independence i have when i am here. i value every little thing that made me realize my own capabilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, my worth as a person. but i would have enjoyed my stay here better if i share it with the people i value most. but i guess to have your cake and eat it too is asking too much. i would have to give up one or the other. learn to compromise and learn to live with it.

i survived cebu because i have friends that have always been with me, and i mean that literally. but for the past month and i guess this would be more or less "forever," our work schedules will never be the same - and that includes rest days and gimmick days.

(yah sure.. big deal.. whatever..) but the moment you realize you are ALONE, the weight suddenly becomes heavier, the tasks harder, the challenges more severe, the world harsher. it would have been a lot easier when you can readily share your thoughts and express your feelings to people you know would never judge you, to people who would listen and not just assume, to people who know you best.

but then again, that's life. learn to compromise and live with it. after all, as a friend always says, "what won't kill you will only make you stronger." i know for sure this won't kill me. so i might as well take the opportunity to grow.

i may be tired, but i have no plans of giving up. i may be physically and technically alone, but i know in my heart and in my mind that i never was and never will be. God will never leave me. :) and with my family's love and confidence in me as my sole guiding light, i know i will survive. quite a number of people trust and believe that no hurdle can stop me from reaching my goals. i might as well start believing that... :)

epilogue: this post was longer than i had intended it to be, but it was not so sad after all. cheers! :)

yuppie ;)

2008-05-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

ha! there! we look like REAL professionals indeed... like young urban professionals a.k.a. yuppie. hehehe..

do i still qualify as workaholic?!;)

I signed up for PPP!

2008-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, you got that right. The title says it all. I did sign up for PPP which stands for Pay Per Post. Broke as I was one time, a friend who was a classmate in college introduced this site to me. She suggested to at least give it a try, and so yeah sure why not? But then again, the skeptic in me overshadowed the go-getter… but only for a while. After a few days, the curiosity won the battle, and so I gave in as I have always believed that to give up and fail without giving it a try is suicide.

Yes, I once failed to have this blog approved, but this did not stop me (haha). I tried once again and luckily got through (yeay!).

I may be a frustrated writer, an author with no avid readers, a certified blogger wannabe, but I love what I do. Blogging is an outlet, a means to express thoughts, feelings, experiences, and whatever passes through my more-often-than-not empty and confused head; and to earn through it is an added bonus.

Skeptic and doubtful I may be as a person, I encourage you all to give it a try. Blog and make money while at it… why not?

a typical day for lovettejam

2008-04-30T05:44:00.000-07:00

got tagged by grace. ;) thanks for the tag, gracey.. hehehe..

anywayz, here goes:

What time do you usually wake up?
An hour and a quarter before my shift starts. This means that I have to be up and about at 5:45 AM.

What’s the first thing you do?
Look for my cellphone to check the time and for any messages.

Breakfast?
Most of the time, I skip breaky.. ;)

Do you go to work/school?
I work, full time.

Do you like it?
Sometimes, I tend to think that I'm overworked and underpaid. But then again, I guess I'm loving the job because I'm keeping it... :)

If you stay at home, what do you do all day?
I can sleep all day. Seriously.

When’s lunch and what you eatin’?
Lunch break is at 11:45, and i eat whatever is visually appealing (translates to: tasty-looking food) served in the cafeteria. :p

What time do you get home from work/school?
Depends. Earliest possible is 3:30 PM but this can extend up to 9:00 or 10:00 PM. :D

What do you do?
I work in the BPO industry. ;)

Dinner: When and what?
After i get home from work, anywhere. :)

What do you do to unwind?
Sleep is a perfect stress reliever as well as movies or binge eating with friends. :)

What’s your favorite part of the day?
Nightime. I am a certified sleepaholic. ;)

Who’s your favorite person to interact with?
Family and closest friends.

Who’s bedtime with?
my roomies, my piggies, pillows, blankets.. yah, a crowd... :D

and now, i am passing this to my fellow artistas.. ;)

...shoutout...

2008-04-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

to try without giving it your best shot is self-destruction.

to lose without even trying is suicide...

happily ever after...

2008-04-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

i once always believed that happily ever after happens only in fairy tales, but now i realized that i actually witnessed one at home...

your love has surpassed the test of time and has continued to flourish each day for 25 long years, and we, your children, are sincerely honored with the privilege to be the fruits of that love...

we will continue to strive harder each day to make as proud of us as we are of you...

happy silver wedding anniversary...

yes i can, but i swear i won't

2008-04-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

i am bored.
i am stressed.
i am tired.
i am frustrated.
i am angry.
i am disappointed.
i am confused.
i am bothered.
i am lost.

and for these reasons and more,
i can always choose to give up.

but i swear i won't.

i may not be that strong.
but i can never give up without a fight!

;o)

i want more money

2008-04-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

In the "and i blog because..." post, I suggested blogging and blog hopping when you get time to kill. Now, I just want to share something I came across with.

Today, through blog hopping, I bumped into Smorty. It is actually a service that connects advertisers with bloggers. Yes, you can get paid for blogging or I should say, blog advertising. You just have to make reviews on particular products, post it in your blog, provide links to the advertisers' site, and then you get paid. No sweat.

Interested? Here is what you have to do: Sign up to Smorty, submit your blog, and wait for approval. Once approved, you can start writing reviews and submit these posts to Smorty. The best part is you can write about topics that interest you. So easy, right? Surely, this is a window of opportunity. Grab it guys! I don't know about you, but I do want more money. ;o)

Now, I'm just so glad I blog hopped. :D

and i blog because...

2008-04-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

When you are bored and have a lot of time in your hands that you can waste, I can suggest this: blog and/or blog hop.

By definition, a blog is a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies; and blog hopping is to follow links from one blog entry to another, with related side-trips to various articles, sites, discussion forums, and more.

So why blog?

To de-stress. Sometimes, the world just tends to connive against you that you just have to sort of "get out from it all" and just relax and chill out. [yes, this statement is an exaggeration.]
To share your thoughts, vent out your bottled-up feelings, and express whatever needed to be let out of your system.
To sharpen you writing talent. The blogosphere surely provides an avenue for you to share your talent, reach more readers, and increase your popularity if that is what you are after.
To get to meet friends - old and new.

And if you ask me why I blog... why not?

So, why blog hop?

Because it is fun. You get to read about people, about stuffs you want, about life, about love, friendship and whatever it is that you want to read.
Because it can widen your mode of thinking and understanding of the world.
Because you get an opportunity to appreciate life more.
Because you can gain more friends in the blogosphere.
Because it provides an opportunity to learn.

now this particular blog entry is absolutely going nowhere. must end this now. ;p

friendship chain

2008-04-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

i got tagged by a dear friend, tata a.k.a. joseph a.k.a. undecided21, ang batang henyo/artist/photographer/engineer/businessman-wannabe featured in gratitude a few days back.. hehehe..

and because i value FRIENDSHIP as much as i value LIFE itself, i'm spreading the love...

link up guyz... and spread the friendship chain the farthest it can possibly go... ;o)

~~Begin Copy~~

This is the easy way and the fastest way to :

1. Make your Authority Technorati explode.

2. Increase your Google Page Rank.

3. Get more traffic to your blog.

4. Make more new friends.

Rules :

1. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog (for bloggers paste on the “compose” not the “edit html” part in posting blogs so it will be linked automatically).

2. Put your own blog name and link.

3. Tag your friends as much as you can, the more the better!

1. Picturing of Life

2. Juliana’s Site

3.Hazel-My Life, My Hope, My Future.

4.Jeanne-The Callalily Space

9.Life’s Simple Pleasures

10. My Blog

11. Because Life is Fun

12. In This Game of Life

13.Scribbles of my Life

14.Changing Lanes

15. anna

16. joytoy

17.Surviving deployment

18. The Deviant

19. All I want is Everything

20. Shadows of love, fate and destiny

21.Tasteful Voyage

22.A mom’s note

23. Bittersweet Collide

24.Jackie Simplypinay

25.Jackie’s Everyday Life

26.Parisukat

27.Photographs and Memoirs

28.Undecided21

29.In-Depth Review

30.ExtremeComments

31. Traveler's Guide 101

32. Comments101

33. lovettejam

YOU’RE NEXT~~ END COPY~~

am passing this to these guys:

spread the love farther guys... am counting on you... ;o) muAhugzz..

boredom

2008-04-13T09:23:00.001-07:00

cute kid... ;o)

and i do this because i have time to kill...

2008-04-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSONALITY QUIZ
Rule: Pick Only One. Don’t cheat!

BLACK/WHITE
~ black

COFFEE/SOFTDRINKS
~ coffee

MOON/STARS
~ moon

TV/Radio
~ tv

SUGAR/SPICE
~ sugar

DOGS/CATS
~ dogs

NINJA/PIRATE
~ pirate

Next: Bear in mind your answers as you scroll down for interpretations.

Result:

BLACK- You love the crowd... a party animal! Too many “friends”, you can’t easily tell which among them is real and not... [hmmm.. not really. actually, i think i'm more WHITE... with a black aura recently.. hehe..]

WHITE- Mysterious... oftentimes, a loner. You know your true friends and only them are allowed to understand the real you.

COFFEE- You hide your emotions...Sometimes pretending to be always happy. Sometimes, not giving even a hint of what you really feel. [i guess...]

SOFTDRINKS- You’re usually expressive... Open about your emotions and most of the time willing to talk about it.

MOON- You love deeply... you may flirt along and people think you’re a playboy/playgirl but the truth is: your heart belongs to only one. [i don't know about the "flirting" aspect..]

STARS- You search for love... you’re a hopeless romantic and every time you enter a relationship, you give your all and believe “this is the One.”

TV- You have so many ideas in mind...You’re creative and aggressive! If you want something, you’ll do anything to get it! [hmmmm...]

RADIO- You appreciate simple things in life... You hate complicating things that’s why you’re typically up-front in any aspect.

SUGAR- You’re an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend... You don’t care if your partner doesn’t really love you as long as you love him/her. You give your all... [hahaha.. lucky boyfriend-to-be?? haha]

SPICE- You’re a stubborn sweetheart...You “love” him/her only because he/she loves you. If his/her flame puts out,you let go with no trouble.

DOGS- You’re undoubtedly good-natured! Most of the time, people are confident to approach you because they know you will consider them. [really?!]

CATS- You’re intimidating! People have an impression that you’re elite—or if not, you simply look sophisticated. You gain praises but not companions.

NINJA- You love action...with the hero-like taste! You focus on your strengths and use them to protect persons/things that are important to you.

PIRATE- You’re independent! You’re also risky just like the pirates who sail in the vast and dangerous ocean to look for treasures! [independent, maybe. risky? nahh.. i don't think so]

...

2008-04-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

Latest realization(s)?
you can never please everyone. one way or another, you are bound to hurt and/or disappoint someone.

Things to do when you're down:
overeat, oversleep, indulge in something good.

Things you wish you're doing now?
overeat, oversleep, indulge in something good.

Favorite food?
i am not choosy when it comes to food. ;p

Favorite Place To Be?
home

What's the title of the song that is stuck in your mind?
the last song i heard: Secondhand Serenade - Broken

Is it broken? Can we work it out? Let’s light up the town, scream out loud! Is it
broken?Can we work it out? I can see in your eyes You’re ready to
break Don’t walk away...

Dream get-away destination?
palawan

Thing you'd never refuse?
bhaboi! hehe

Favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
sleep (oh my.. sleep addict ko?!)

thing you're most saving for?
trip back home ;o)

Any plans for your next birthday?
my day is approximately 10 months away.

Thing/s you can't stand?
hmmmm...

Movie you most want to watch now?
just watched 27 dresses and jumper and horton... hehe..

Do you love cooking?
yah. (lemme make this clear: though i like to cook, i don't think my cooking is as impressive as i would want it to be. boohoo.)

How are your when you're mad?
black aura everywhere... haha..

Does it take long for you to take a bath?
not really. about 15-20 minutes perhaps?

Do you eat veggies?
not much of a fan, but i do. ;p

Lazy much?
sometimes.

Who do you talk to the most?
my roomies.

Latest text pal?
no more text pals for me please. hehe..

after office pals?
oh my.. now this would be my "latest realization" up there: i don't have a social life. toink.

Busy much?
i guess

What/who do you hate most?
maEPAL beings (mapapel): translates to attention-hungry people. ;p

What (who) makes you happy?
simple things make me happy. what can i do? i was born happy. :D

if given a chance to have one wish,what would it be?
uhmmmmm... i'm ok where i am now. i guess i will just wish i'm closer to the people close to my heart.

why?
miss them much. :c

In love?
yep. have always been in love with life. haha.

10 yrs from now, what would u be?
happier than ever

song that best express what urfeeling right now?
i'm not okay -- my chemical romance. apphhhhbbbbtt!!

Is there any person that you miss?
yah! duper much!

what makes you really angry?
people trying to test me. ;p

what do you feel like doing now?
nothing. stare into blank space

take back one moment in your life,what would that be?
...

are you a good friend?
i sure do hope so.

will you do anything for love?
i guess...

all-time favorite song?
...

chocolates or ice cream?
why can't i have both?

who do you want to talk with rightnow?
no one.

what do you want to tell theperson reading this?
you actually read this whole stuff?! ngek..

gratitude

2008-04-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

despite the toxicity of the previous week that i thought was never ending, i survived. i am so grateful that there are still people who are willing to help strangers, found time to answer a shameless plea, shared his talent to an unknown, faceless entity.

thank you so much TATA. you're a genius. ;o)

readers: if you're not convinced he's as good as i say he is, let me take you here.

frustrated and desperate, i am

2008-04-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

a few weeks back, we were tasked to make a poster with our faces in it (darn) and it's supposed to be on a cartoon character's body (argh! a larger DARN) . a simple know-how would have made it a whole lot easier for me. or at least a few "connections" who could teach me and help me on such short notice. my knowledge on photoshop is an absolute zero. poor me. *boohoo*

now, time is running so fast. deadline is approaching. and soon, i'll be dead. *a bigger boohoo*

procrastination is bad. really. it's seriously bad. it's unacceptable.

but then again, i procrastinate. and so now, i'm frustrated. i'm dismayed. i'm desperate. and that makes me sad.

h.e.l.p. :c

incredibly busy

2008-04-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

whew!!

been incredibly busy the past week. spent practically more than half of my waking hour in the office.

workaholic perhaps? NO. i was just trying my very best to do everything i can to at least try to prove to myself that i can do it. there's no obstacle or hurdle in my path that can stop me. haha.

but seriously though, i am certainly not doing this to impress anybody. not even my bosses.

i am doing this for the simple reason that i am expected to do whatever i can. and i try even in my littlest possible way to go beyond that expectation. i expect much of myself. at times, i may even expect too much. high expectations root from previous performances and/or achievements. whether you like it or not, you will always be expected do better than the last time. there is always room for improvement. at times, development may be sluggish or slow or seemingly endless. but nonetheless, it is somehow an improvement. and that's a good thing. it's much better than plateauing on anything.

**okay. now, i don't know where i am leading at. i got lost in my own thoughts. haha. sorry. this was supposed to be a rambling about how busy my week was. now, it's just pure babble about nothing in particular, once again proving how desultory [did i spell that right?] my thoughts really are.

...

2008-03-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

makes sense... ;)

nagkabugo...

2008-03-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

nagkabugo na jud ko ai.. sayo kaayo ngdeteriorate akong brain cells. makasapot na usahay kay kung kanus-a nimo kinahanglanon imong utok, ayha siya mawala.

ai ambot. makauwaw na usahay. okay ra man mag-mental block panalagsa bah. madawat ra na sa katawhan ug katilingban. pero kung gasige na lang man pud gani... nah... murag di na na maayo.

sama ra na sa mga miaging adlaw. di na ko kabalo mag-minus. in-ani ang nahitabo:

jamjam: papalita ko'g bihon ug usa ka cupcake.
tindera: [hatag bihon ug cupcake]
marivic: tagpila ang bihon?
tindera: 15.
jamjam: pila tanan?
tindera: 23.
[taud-taud]
delia: pila diay ang cupcake BT?
jamjam: ha? ambot. pila gani to?
marivic: 15 man ang bihon.
jamjam: so, 23 minus 15. ahhhhhh... 15 man noh? so, 15.
daun, 16 -17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23. [gaihap sa fingers] 8. 8. 8 ang cupcake.

toink. makaulaw noh?

haaaay.. pagkapait na lang jd. sa usa ka adlaw, ka-pila ko mg "ha?!" kay di ko kasabot. nah. nayabag na ni. ikapila pud ko mag-"aahhhhh" kay di ko katubag.

di man sa niagi jud ko'g kabright ha? pero di lang jud ko ing-ani ka tangaon ug kalimtanon. mag-Alzheimer's na man siguro ko ani. paita oi. arang-arang man akong utok sa una. hehe.

sayon, usa pa. magtype ko karon, perte kahinay kay sige ko'g kasayop. malibog pa jug ug spelling. sama ani:

doctor [dictator ni ha? ako gitranscribe]: patient was involved in an
altercation with a cow who apparently had a calf.
jamjam: hala. unsa gani tawag anang baby sa cow? calf noh?
carina: oo.
jamjam: pareha ra nag spelling sa calf na bagtak? calf na calf jud noh? as
in?
carina: [huh?]
jamjam: sige, ako tan-awon sa dictionary.

see?! makaulaw jud noh? maulaw na ko kung magsige pa ni ug in-ani.

epekto na ni sa di maayo nga pagkaon. di lagi dapat mapasaran ug gutom kay ang baby anaconda magmahay. whew! dayon, di pud magsige ug fast food kay makatanga, makabungaw, makabugo, makabuang. dapat mag-fruits, mag-vegetables, mag-exercise, mag-diet, matulog ug sakto. dapat clean living na ko. basin diay masalbar pa ni akong utok na di na jud siya madayunan ug kauga.

tabang!

on death...

2008-03-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

somebody: can you tell me a painless way to die?

me: yes, i can. but only if you give me a valid reason to end your life.

somebody: because i'm so tired of my life. i always lose.

me: ???

here's why:

i have always believed that one must never ever allow himself to lose without even giving his best shot.

you must never ever give up without fighting. to lose without even trying is much harder to swallow than coming out of the battle with bruised knees. a broken bone is easier to heal than a broken spirit. and what nothing ruins the spirit more than lack of enthusiasm over life.

yes, in this life, we are bound to be mistaken. that's given. we are mere mortals. but then again, mistakes make us realize that there will always be room for improvement, that something will always be better, that we can always go beyond the horizon. we can always learn from our mistakes and work on what needs to be improved.

never give up on life. what won't kill you will only make you stronger.

Happy Easter! ;o)

update on ken lee...

2008-03-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

here's an update on music idol's ken lee.. she's improving.. hehehe...

good for her.. :D

on blogging

2008-03-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

i just checked my recent posts (from the past week). one sad thing: everything were reposts, i.e., something i saw on the net, something i copied from somewhere, something-something.

all these things betray the purpose of this blog. this is supposed to be a haven for thoughts, emotions and everything from the top of my head, not just a bunch of reposts from somewhere else.

well, anyways, no regrets though. i enjoyed those stuffs, and i do hope you did too as much as i did. :D

choosy.. am i really?! :D

2008-03-16T21:39:00.001-07:00

hahaha..

abi bah nko i easily fall in love... and now i'm choosy?! hmmmmm....

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them

You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky

You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter

It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

bb pilipinas remix.

2008-03-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

enjoy... ;o)

tuff 10.. ever... oh my God...

dark side

2008-03-15T07:01:00.001-07:00

and i do this... just because.. ;o)

What's Your Dark Side?

My Result: Indulging Yourself

It's no surprise — your dark side is all about you. You just can't resist a little indulgence, whether it's eating your favorite candy, an hour-long bath, or just a day spent doing absolutely nothing at all. Life's just too short to spend it being less than perfectly happy, right? A real lover of the finest things in life, you'd want nothing more than to treat yourself to the best, whether on vacation (five star) or at work (the corner office, of course). After all, you know you deserve it.

You don't totally live for pleasure — you can suffer through deprivation if you absolutely have to — but life is so much tastier when you're making yourself happy. And isn't that the really important thing?

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=darksideogt&c=50652

what's your name's hidden meaning

2008-03-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

What Lovette Jam Prada Jacosalem Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.
Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

ken lee

2008-03-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

got this through email... thanks to charmaine xyza...

enjoy...

*ken lee.... tulibu dibu douchu....*

...lovettejam...

2008-03-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

SUBJECTIVE: A 23-year-old female originally from Iligan here today with no specific complaints. Claims to be family oriented, God fearing, food loving, and certified internet addict and bhaboi fanatic and obsessed.

OBJECTIVE: VSS (dli ni vital signs stable. Very Sexy Siya). Weight continuously increasing, height unfortunately stable. Active, alert, oriented to time, place, circumstance, events, dreams, music, movies, books, colors, past, present, future. Remainder of PE within normal limits.

ASSESSMENT: Obsessive compulsive. Narcissistic. Autistic. Text addict, in remission.

PLAN:

1. Improve work performance.

2. Improve social skills.

3. Improve self-confidence.

4. Be promoted before age 24.

5. Have a 6-figure income before age 30 (or at least marry one who does.)

HA!

bhaboi.bhaboi.bhaboi.

2008-03-02T00:56:00.001-08:00

http://lovettejam.multiply.com/journal/item/17/bHaboi.bHaBoi.bHaBoi.

dugay m.upload ang pics. kainis. hmph.

makailang ulit.

2008-03-02T00:13:00.000-08:00

makailang ulit kong pinangarap ang magmahal at mahalin ng isang tulad mo.
makailang ulit akong nagpasalamat na kahit minsan, kahit saglit lamang, naging bahagi ka ng buhay ko.
makailang ulit din akong napangiti ng mga mumunting alaalang bagamat payak ay lubos namang ikinatutuwa ng payak kong puso.

ngunit makailang ulit na rin akong nasaktan.
makailang ulit nang binalewala at iniwan na nga ng tuluyan.

makailang ulit na rin akong umasa.
makailang ulit kong dinalangin na ika'y magbalik na.
makailang ulit hiniling na muling mahimbing sa yapos na kay init.
makailang ulit akong nangulila sa iyong pagkalinga.

makailang ulit kong iniyakan ang katotohanang pilit na tinatanggap,
ang katotohanang ika'y lumisan na at di na magbabalik pa.

makailang ulit na.
tama na.
ayoko nang masaktan ng makailang ulit pa.

workaholic

2008-03-01T02:03:00.000-08:00

i know why you do that.

do what?

working too much, resting too little.

i do that?

yes, you do. and i know why.

really? convince me.

ha! because you're LONELY.

i certainly am not.

yes you are, and you want to bury yourself alive through working too much. because you want to tire yourself too much so you'll go home too tired to even think.

that's not true. you're wrong.

you know i'm not.

b.l.!.s.s.

2008-02-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

i guess that sometimes, you have to allow yourself to feel so down...

in order for you to appreciate real BL!SS...

areyouhappynow

2008-02-27T16:47:00.000-08:00

just when i have almost FORGOTTEN, you made your presence felt...

once again stirring the very core of me, disturbing my safe niche, destroying everything i believe in...

and so, i dare ask: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

mensahe ng pag-ibig

2008-02-27T01:31:00.000-08:00

this is a message of L.O.V.E. =P

for those who have felt my love:
you're absolutely positively amazingly right.
i do, i do, i do sincerely love you.
and i care.
and i shall forever cherish you.

and for those who have'nt:
may it be because i failed to bathe you with my love,
or u failed to notice the love i am throwing at your direction,
or it doesn't even matter...
wala lng... ds s my message for u:

luvumuchmuch... salamat.sa.gugma...

hehehe.. mao ra to. bow. muAh!!! -.-

...

2008-02-10T21:58:00.000-08:00

i love the way you make me smile.
i love the fact that i blush with just the mention of your name.
i love how you make me feel all giddy inside.
i love the good times we have had.
i love the thought of you missing me.
i love imagining you loving me.
i love the idea of "us."

i loved you.
but loving you hurts so bad.
for i know the "us" won't last.
for i know the happiness will soon end.
for i know the giddiness will fade.
for i know i was just a DETOUR -- unplanned, unforeseen, unprepared for.
for i know that soon, you'd forget me.
for i know that to you, i am a mere memory,
a happy memory worth cherishing perhaps, but a MEMORY nonetheless.
i may have been a part of your PAST,
but i have no place in your FUTURE.

random conversations

2007-12-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

mama: di, hapi na ka dre sa cebu?
jamjam: yepyep. k na mn ko dre infernez.
mama: unya, in-ani na lng ka forever?
jamjam: di pd guro wui. taas2 pa akng pangarap. madato pa ko.
mama: unsaon nmo pgdato?
jamjam: maminyo kog dato.
mama: unsaon nimo pagminyo ug dato?
jamjam: mag-uyab kog dato.
mama: unsaon nmo pag-uyab ug datO?
jamjam: aw... plan B n lng ko ma... maningkamot kog ako.. hehehe... ;o)

papa: unya di, naa na kay uyab?
jamjam: wala ui. uyab gd tawon.
papa: hahahahaha.. kaluoy...
jamjam: ngek.. ngano luoy mn?
papa: kay wala mn ka uyab.
jamjam: asus! kung mka-uyab btaw pd ko, selos mn pd ka. hehehehe =p
papa: di ko selos oi. ngano mn d ai maminyo mo.
jamjam: asusss..... bantay btaw ha???!!! hmmm... hehehe... ;o)

operative note

2007-12-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

preoperative diagnosis: autism and narcissism.

postoperative diagnosis: autism and narcissism.

procedure performed: surgical exploration of mind and heart.

specimens: pieces of the heart and mind.

complications: none.

disposition: patient was sent home to the loving arms of her family and friends notably in love with life. ;o)

indications for procedure: the patient is a 22-year-old female who presents with emotional turmoil and subsequent mental incapacity and confusion manifested as more-than-average laughing and smiling in public. past medical history is also significant for a severe case of insecurity as well as a longstanding history of stupidity. due to the chronicity of the problem and lack of emotional outlet, decision was made to proceed with surgical exposure and exploration of the patient's thoughts and emotions. patient voiced understanding of the plan and consented to proceed.

procedure: after informed consent was obtained, patient was brought to the operating theater and placed supine on the operating room table with the right ear up. appropriate anesthesia was administered to have significant amount of numbness as patient admitted to fear of exposure and subsequent ridicule.
attention was first turned to the head of the patient. after prepping and draping, an incision was made frontoparietally. dissection was carried down through the skull thus exposing the brain tissue. the brain was noted to have a murky appearance probably due to the presence of suppressed/regressed/projected and modified memories. these were noted to be adherent to the deepest recesses of her mind. as such, to maintain a certain amount of privacy, decision was made to leave this alone in the interim. we gathered whatever thoughts that can be salvaged and stored in dumbledore's pensieve for further studies and reference. the wound was then irrigated copiously with luv-care-understanding solution and closed in the usual fashion.

next, attention was turned to the patient's heart. after adequate prepping and draping, an incision was made in the area above the sternum and carried down to expose the heart. the heart was noted to be heavily protected with a thick glass. however, this was scratched and broken in some areas. the heart was noted to be scarred which may be due to disappointments and frustrations in life. remarkably though, there is a huge portion occupied by happiness and filled with love. the heart is beaming with inspiration and confidence despite its scarred appearance. it is notable well protected though. after samples were taken, the heart was irrigated copiously with TLC solution and closed in the usual fashion.

patient tolerated the procedure well and taken to the recovery room in stable condition. patient was very satisfied with the operation. she still has severe case of happiness and what appears to be inloveness with life. therefore, she was instructed to continue current regimen to spread her happiness and so-called inloveness with to the world. patient agrees and went home with a smile pasted on her face.

xmas wish list

2007-11-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

2 d insanely wonderful people, d z0opeEpz.
2 d friends iv made in cebu who made my stay here a little more worthwhile.
2 my friends in iligan and around teh globe.
2 my dearly beloved relatives, titas, t2s, cuzns,...
2 d countless people who in 1 way or another brought a smile to my face and happiness in my life.
2 d people i am missing now and forevermore.
and to the people who truly matter, my family, my all...

wish i can be wd u all ds xmas. sendin u my lotsa lotsa luvin care insterad... gimingaw na ko ninyo! *sigh*

paano

2007-11-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

Paano nga ba magalit sa isang taong pinahahalagahan ng lubos?

Paano ba mainis sa isang ginagalang at hinahangaan?

Paano maaaring kamuhian and taong pinakamamahal mo?

Bagamat buong puso mong nais pangalagaan ang pagtitiwala at pagmamahal mo sa kanya, may mga bagay-bagay na pilit itong winawasak. may mga pangyayaring di maiiwasan. may mga salitang nawawalan ng kahulugan. may mga sakripisyong nababalewala.

ngunit kahit gaano ka pa itulak papalayo. bagamat talagang nakakadismaya at nakakapanglulumo na, d mo magawang magalit o mainis man lang. di mo siya magawang kamuhian.

at kahit gaano pilitin, di kailanman maiaalis ang respeto at paghanga mo. di matitibag and pagpapahalaga mo. at di kailanman mawawasak o mabawasan man lang ang pagmamahal mo.

use me, abuse me

2007-11-05T04:33:00.000-08:00

use me, abuse me... i don't mind.

blame me, hurt me... i don't care.

go ahead. hate me, despise me. i won't budge.

for as long as i can manage to put a smile on my face,
i'll live on.
and i'll hold on to this smile for as long as i could
as my life surely goes on...
with or without you...

i refuse to think, feel, comment or react; remember?!

;o)

hidden and forgotten

2007-10-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

if i should regret sumthing in my entire life, it is the fact that for the longest time, i never learned to express myself adequately. for the longest time, i have worn a facade that even i myself could no longer recognize my face when i look into the mirror. for the longest time, i have hidden. i created my own world nobody understands. i even limited the inhabitants of my perfect little private world. these i did because i was afraid. i have chosen to live in the darkness of my own being away from the spotlight. i dwelled in insecurity, in feelings of inadequacy, in a state of vulnerability, in fear.

so-called maturity prompted the necessity to live outside of the darkness, to choose to live in light. but in my quest to explore the world outside of my own darkness, i lost myself.

now, here i am. i remain lost, hidden, unaccepted, uncared for, unloved and forgotten.

disclaimer

2007-10-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

The blog entries posted herein reflect the author's own opinions, views, feelings, insights and judgments of a particular topic at the time of creation of the entries. The author does not represent any person or org (nor does she wish to do so). As change is inevitable in this world, may it be made clear that the contents of these entries may also change with time. Reading all blog entries herein therefore does not guarantee knowing how the author's mind operates nor can the reader make a full assessment or discernment of the author's character as irony, sarcasm or even exaggeration may be used to maintain a level of privacy and personal space. However, if in any way, the author has harmed, insulted or tarnished the reputation of a person, organization or nation, her sincerest apologies. Otherwise, feel free to read through and comment if deemed necessary.

restless MiNd syndrome

2007-10-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

eyes are dead tired. been staring at the glaring PC.
ears have numbed. been listening for hours and hours.
back is aching. been sitting for sooooo long.
hands are tingling. been banging the keyboard.
head is throbbing. been working all night.
mind is dimming. feeling so tired.

tired. tired. tired.
body pleading. wanna sleep. wanna sleep.
wanna have a moment of total blankness. of total emptiness.

but mind is begging. listen to me. listen to me.
keep thinking.
nothing to think about. nothing to worry about.
but still wondering. still asking.
still wanting answers. still seeking peace.

body tired. mind active.
body resting. mind busy still.
eyes hurting. head burning. hands trembling.
will sleep. can't sleep.

fool! everything is blurry. everything is vague.
every answer i have, i contradict.
i am my own enemy.
i am my own nightmare.

will sleep to shut everything.
will sleep to silence the mind.
will sleep to block everything.
will sleep. will sleep.

total peace at last. plain blankness.
total voidness. total purity.
will sleep. will sleep.
will dream of family. of friends. of food. of love.
of goals. of achievements. of music. of dance.
of needs and wants. of successes and failures. of trimphs and defeats.

will clear everything in my sleep.
will deal with things i can't deal with when awake.
will have thought organizers.
will have dumbledore's pensieve.
will find answers in my sleep.
will sleep. will sleep. will sleep.

she smyls, she laffs

2007-10-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

she smiles to to acquaintances, she laughs with her friends.
she smiles when amazed, she laughs when amused.

she smiles when she's nervous, she laughs when she's afraid.
she smiles when irritated, she laughs when angered deep.

yes, she smiles to mask the sadness, and she laughs to hide the tears.
she smiles 'coz she still hopes, and she laughs to cast her fears.

she smiles and she laughs. she laughs and she smiles.
it's all she does and it's all she's got.